Tiffanie Tales

“Getting in touch with Phil was like getting in touch with God. Praying would have been just as effective as calling, texting, or emailing.”

-Tiffanie

There’s a nice poem by Valerie Cox circulating on the Internet about a woman who bought some cookies and a book at an airport and sat down to read and nibble while waiting for her plane. She soon noticed a man sitting next to her, who casually took a cookie from the bag.

Although shocked and seething, the woman remained silent as the man, without the slightest sign of shame or gratitude, quietly helped himself, matching her cookie for cookie.

When there was one cookie left, she watched in amazement as he picked it up, smiled at her as if he were being gracious, and broke it in half. He ate one half and gave her the other. Congratulating herself for maintaining her cool, she said nothing to this rude cookie thief, astonished at the nerve of some people.

Later, when she was settling into her seat on the plane, she rummaged through her purse and discovered the bag of cookies she’d purchased, still unopened. The moral message is contained in the poem’s closing stanza:

“If mine are here,” she moaned with despair,
“Then the others were his, and he tried to share.”
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.

Being sure is not the same as being right. Certainty without humility can lead to self-righteousness that distorts our view and understanding of the world and of people.

Humility doesn’t require us to be equivocal or doubtful about our deepest convictions. What it asks is that we hold and advocate our beliefs without dismissing the possibility that others may be right instead.

Michael Josephson

What is it about relationships that make me crazy?

My normal life, outside of a relationship, is pretty decent. I am happy. I am confident. I am secure. Put me in a relationship and I lose it all. My world revolves around another. I am only happy if he is happy. The slightest inkling of anything unusual from him and I am sure it’s over.

And it’s like I have these moments of insanity where all I want is to talk to him and I don’t even want to do anything else. And then I have other moments where I’m fine and sane. Literally like I become level headed and I forget about my issues of insecurity. I forget to be sure that he’s going to leave me.

What created this issue inside of me? Past experience, I guess. Seeing relationships between my loved ones not go well also had an effect. I don’t want to write blame on anyone here.

I could write on and on, but I won’t. It’s scary revealing your weaknesses.

Maybe I need counseling.

Day 4, Sunday

Spent the morning/afternoon

drinking beer with an old friend, Karen,

and catching up on the last 15 years.

I kept wondering why

we weren’t better friends in high school

cause we really get along well.

I had a blast.

Dinner at Phil’s was good.

Cheese ravioli

Sausage ravioli

spagetti sauce

Yum!

I brought desert.

Angelfood cake + raspberries in syrup, drained

and an amazingly easy, rich, & delicious sauce

from my new old friend, Karen, the pastry chef.

Laid on the patio and talked about nothing everything.

Watched part of The Red Violin.

Slept 3 hours.

Day 5, Monday

Off to see Megan & Aaron get married.

Good thing I called early.

Headed to Simi, but not past Ventura,

when I found out the ceremony was

at the county court house, not city.

Ceremony was great, cute.

Awesome photos by the fountain & flowers.

Headed to Brett’s work for an oil change

and good times with my uncle.

Back home, tired after so little sleep.

Rudy’s for dinner with Phil.

Felt a little akward in my shorts and t-shirt

with him in a suit and tie.

But we took food back to my place and watched

How I Met Your Mother

“NAKED GUY!”

Laughed, talked, had a great time.

Day 6, Tuesday

Early birthday celebration.

Off to Solvang with Phil.

Bakery, restaurant, shop, shop, bakery, shop, shop,

bakery, shop, shop… Kind of over it quickly.

Headed over to Neverland to say goodbye to MJ

and giggle at some of the terrible “art” people posted for him.

It will be cool to say, “I went to Neverland on the day of MJ’s memorial”

in coming years.

Tuesday evening, nice dinner at The Montecito Cafe.

Alaskan sea bass, broccoli, potatoes for me.

Pasta & chicken for Phil.

He’s an Italian guy who likes Italian food.

Quick walk around The Biltmore

and a couple of cute pictures by Butterfly Beach.

Tried to get one of the moon,

but it ended up looking like a glowing street light

in the sky.

Happy Fourth of July.

I wake up and

call as promised.

What to do today?

He is cleaning, I am,

well, not doing much.

Holly calls and invites us to the beach

family bbq with her brother-in-law’s

amazing  chicken!

And Philip,

(yes, he has a name)

wants to go too.

At noon we are off to the beach.

Prime parking on a busy holiday weekend.

Stars=aligned.

Throw down the sheet and the towel.

Time for some lunch!

After lunch we took a walk down the beach

Past the mansions on Padaro Lane.

And dreamed.

Held hands, laughed, kissed.

He tells me he has dated in Carp,

but the girls are looking for short-term

and he wants more.

And I look up to the sky and think/pray,

God if this is a joke, please stop it now.

Back to the sheet, laying in the sun,

relaxing.

He kisses my shoulder

we smile, talk and 3:30 comes too fast.

And I’m off to Brett’s to meet Aaron,

Megan’s VERY soon to be husband

who ended up being as charming as I expected.

Now it’s 1am,

and I think, this may be worth writing down

so I start with day one.

Awake at 8:30 and my first thought,

when will he call?

Cook some breakfast,

wash some dishes,

watch part of Jeopardy.

Grocery shopping to waste time

and finally, he calls at noon.

A part of me was sure he wouldn’t call.

Past experience says it is so.

But a bigger part of me hoped

that the connection I felt,

he felt too.

So a little past noon the phone rings

and he’s calling, asking about my morning

about how I slept.

And we plan to leave for the bbq at 430.

Imagine my surprise,

a pin striped suit replaced with khaki shorts,

a polo shirt, and a cardigan,

with some running shoes.

He tells me I look nice,

I tell him the same.

And I mean it, oh wow.

The BBQ was so fun.

Played horse shoes, we won.

Played darts (cricket), we won.

He actually made me feel competitive

and it was fun.

We picked some avocadoes

and he nearly fell out of the tree.

Glad I didn’t have to call 911!

After a nice dinner and some time by the fire pit

we were headed back to Carp.

I point out that he missed my exit

and he says we are going to the beach.

And I knew right away

he wanted our first kiss to be there

and it was, and it was one trembling kiss

with the 57 degree wind enticing us to snuggle.

Back to my house, he came in, we talked.

We kissed, we talked we kissed, we talked.

Until 1am.

He says he hasn’t felt this way

in a long time

and stops to think.

And then says, he hasn’t felt this way,

ever.

And I agree.

And breathe deep

trying to absorb the moment.

Holding my breath

to store it inside of me forever.

Fear passes over me and I hope this is real,

not just an entry in my blog

or a poem in my book.

And  promise him that I won’t disappear

when he walks out the door.

I’ll still be here.

And I’ll call him

on Day 3.

Thursday.

Worked until 430

then to The Palms

for a drink.

Chelada, yuck!

won’t do that again.

Off to the brewery

for a Tropical Lager.

Ready to go,

Kelly & Roberto left,

but someone catches my  eye

so I butt into a conversation

and make myself comfortable

in their circle

on their bench.

What I thought would be

a 5 minute conversation

turns into much, much more.

So the cute one talks

and his cream colored,

pin striped suit

with a purple shirt,

surprisingly wasn’t the most

interesting part about him.

An hour later

I’m still telling them I have to go

to Kelly’s

she’s already called 5 times.

But we keep talking, laughing

amazing chemistry.

So soon, his arm is around my shoulders

mine linked around his waist.

And when I mention

we should exchange phone numbers.

His “wing man” jumps in

and invites me to their upcoming BBQ.

Numbers given, hugs exchanged

and I am off.

A short bike ride to Kelly’s house

to watch kids dancing

and do some dancing ourselves.

A ride home from Sandpiper

to Concha Loma

makes me realize

I forgot dinner.

I sit in bed and eat

dinner at midnight

as I anticipate Day 2.

Just sad. Surreal.

An icon for my generation, before the drama and accusations took him down.

 I remember dancing to Thriller with my best friends in our front yards.

If not for MJ, we wouldn’t have Weird Al’s “I’m Fat!”

I was actually thinking about Michael Jackson this morning. I used to have this poster of him and I threw it away when I started “hating” him when I was a teen and Im’ trying to remember now why I was thinking about that poster this morning. I still can’t figure out why I was thinking about it, but if I do, I’ll update this!

 The last hour has been weird, people denying his death, saying he’s not dead, he’s in a coma. TMZ showing that he was dead around 2:30pm. All of the major news venues (MSN, CNN, Google) showing he was taken to UCLA Medical Center, but not confirming his death. Other than TMZ, the first place that confirmed was LATimes.com, which was after 3:30pm. All of the speculation was weird.

Jawing Bone
Frosty Snow

Something there is that doesn’t love a Bluetooth headset,
That sends one’s hands towards the chattering throat
To shake the voice out of the wearer in the sun
And shove that headset into the smallest gap one can find.
While mending the gaps in my chainlink fence
I heard my neighbor’s voice from the field beyond
And thinking he spoke to me, turned in humble greeting;
But the jerk was just chattering on his headset
About whatever stupid crap matters to stupid crapheads
To a fellow tool somewhere far off, unseen, but no doubt
Also getting on everybody’s nerves around him.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his stupid,
Empty, ugly, loud, obnoxious, self-centered, smug,
Pompous, asinine, ignorant, childish, annoying head:
“Bluetooth users make lousy neighbors.”

 Found on Woot.com